I received feedback from instructor. Please help in fixing and bringing down similiarity
You have a good general start here in this working draft so far. You offer a background in your opening paragraph that states who the company is specifically and how many employees, etc. are in this company. The tone here is professional.
As you revise, review the assignment over carefully for some of the main elements that are needed yet, such as the cover page.
In the paragraphs, be sure that each paragraph is developed and has specific details of support within it. Use your own voice and words to keep the report personalized. Be sure to cite any outside resource’s information in MLA in-text citation.
Review what stronger or more specific word choices might be offered instead of the ones pointed out so far. Use the most clear and concise word choices possible.
original question as follows as well as two examples attached
The graphic design shop where you work as the account manager is doing well. Just last year the owner hired three new designers and a receptionist, bringing the total number of employees to 14. But with growth comes certain headaches, and one of them is figuring out how to regulate employees’ Internet use. Currently, employees can download anything they want from the Internet and view any website they wish.
The owner’s IT person has alerted him to several problems. One is that the designers are downloading any and all software that they think sounds “cool” – even software in beta versions that still have a lot of kinks. As a result, their computers lock up or malfunction and the IT person has to spend hours troubleshooting the problem to get it resolved.
Two, there is concern over what Internet sites employees are viewing, specifically those that are inappropriate for the workplace. Overall, the IT person is worried about security breaches resulting from these downloads, inappropriate website visits, and other Internet activities.
It’s time for a policy to be developed governing Internet-use and your boss thinks you’re just the person to help write it. Your assignment is to study the current wisdom on the workplace Internet policies and send your findings to your boss and the IT person as a short report, including a proposed Internet-use policy that might be implemented.
The Short Report should be 1,200-1,500 words in length.